walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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