My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize