I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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