Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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