i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
