if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
