Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
