help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
