oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
