I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
