if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
