Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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