Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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