He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
