I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
