How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
