I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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