Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My dick has a subreddit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
