My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
