I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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