Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
