Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
