but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize