she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
