what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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