Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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