he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
