i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
