ADVERTISEMENT

• (415): View more from California

  No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."

  Fav 91 4874 1611

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.

  Fav 215 1287 4036

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  If i need to get strippers involved i will.

  Fav 17 3652 1155

  share tweet
  

• (616): View more from Michigan

  im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me

  Fav 5 1052 3094

  share tweet
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.

  Fav 16 1899 3634

  share tweet
  

• (347): View more from New York

  Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???

  Fav 15 2820 1343

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (212): View more from New York

  I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?

  Fav 5 1648 1449

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.

  Fav 8 1289 800

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time

  Fav 0 1275 644

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career

  Fav 8 596 1112

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.

  Fav 4 766 642

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (410): View more from Maryland

  I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions

  Fav 4 751 549

  share tweet
  

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?

  Fav 1 79 23

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents

  Fav 0 46 3

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!

  Fav 0 45 39

  share tweet
  

Randomize