3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
