And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
