Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize