They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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