I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
