I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
