am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I know her cup size but not her name....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
