8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
