Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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