walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
