all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
