id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
