So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
