I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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