Having a random hookup so left but love u
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize