the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
