He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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