Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
