A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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