..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
