fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
