I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
