you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
