I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
