hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
