Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
