why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
