just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
