We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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