It's Friday. Sex?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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