i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
