We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
