Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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