I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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