Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
