Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
