No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
