You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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