Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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