I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dick very happy bro
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
