We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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