ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
