i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
