pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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