I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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