Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
