Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
