her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
