1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
