I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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