the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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