I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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