I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
