if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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