community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
