Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
