Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
