Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
