Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize