i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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