and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
