Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
