More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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