So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
