He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
